Shampoo's Sister
by Rekkashinenforever
Summary: Ranma is having an ordinary day in Nerima when Shampoo's psychotic older sister Conditioner arrives, with her giant-scythe-wielding friend Sasha, determined to help Shampoo win Ranma over! *FINISHED*
1. Prologue

1 Shampoo's Sister  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Ranma 1/2 characters; they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I do own, however, Conditioner and Sasha.  
  
Author's note: I am 100 % English, and so have only read the Viz translations of the manga, however sucky they may be. I also cannot help using fancy words when I type, so just bear with me.  
  
2  
  
3 Prologue  
  
"Akane, meet me in the vacant lot at three."  
  
"Who in the world would want me to come to a lot?" said Akane irritably. "I somehow don't think it's for a date."  
  
Ranma kept his eyes on the road in front of him as he replied, "Sounds like a challenge to me. Too bad we don't know who sent it."  
  
"Yeah," Akane agreed as they rounded to corner to their destined meeting place. "Someone who knows about me, but nothing else…" She trailed off as she saw an all-too-familiar purple-haired figure leaning on the wall ahead of them. She groaned, "Doesn't that girl ever know when to give up?"  
  
But the girl waiting for them was not Shampoo. She was an older, and somehow colder, version of her. The hair in front of her ears was long, and braided so it reached her chest. She had no visible weapon except for a sword at her side, and was looking rather bored.  
  
"Ah," she said upon their arrival, "you must be Akane." Her eyes traveled to Ranma with a strange look in them. Akane could have sworn it was contempt. Then her attention was caught by the girl again as she added, "I've heard a lot about you."  
  
"Oh?" answered Akane.  
  
The girl nodded. "And I decided to visit this place to see how good you are. How about it?" she asked slyly. "A little match."  
  
"Okay," snapped Akane, who was annoyed by the tone of the other's voice. Sounds as though she's pretty confident in her abilities, she thought. "Get yourself ready!" she yelled, launching an immediate attack at her opponent's smug face.  
  
Something grabbed her ankle and tossed her onto her back. Akane yelled with hurt surprise, and stared at the girl. She was holding a steel- tipped rod, from which hung a long ribbon. The ribbon sliced through the air with a sharp crack that startled Akane. The ribbon looked sharp enough to cut.  
  
A…a rhythmic gymnast? thought Akane dazedly.  
  
"Hm," said the girl with a sarcastic smile. "I thought you'd be better than that. Hmph. One flip and you're down."  
  
"Who-who are you?" said Ranma, speaking for the first time since entering the lot. God help me if she knows Shampoo…  
  
She gave another smug smile in his direction and said, "You'll find out. Just—when you see Shampoo, do me a favor, will you? Tell her Conditioner's back in town." Then she leaped away over the buildings with a catlike grace. 


	2. The Queen of the Amazons

1 Chapter 1: The Queen of the Amazons  
  
"…and she said something about Shampoo," mused Akane's father. "That girl has given us a lot of trouble, and if this one is some relative…" He turned on Ranma. "Raaaaanmaaaaaa…!"  
  
"But who on earth is she, other than a name?" asked Kasumi gently, ignoring her father, who was pounding around the dojo after Ranma. "I mean, did she look familiar, or anything?"  
  
"She looked like Shampoo," said Akane bluntly. Her ankle still throbbed. "I mean, she had the same color hair, and the same clothes. But her weapon was a ribbon."  
  
"Nihao!" said a voice. Akane looked up. There was Shampoo, carrying two boxes of Cat Café Ramen. She put them down and ran to separate Ranma from Soun.  
  
When she came back, she said with strange friendliness, "Akane look hurt. What happen?"  
  
They filled her in, but saved the name for last. "She said to tell you…her name's Conditioner, and she's, uh, back in town."  
  
"Aiyaa!" cried Shampoo delightedly. "Conditioner is Shampoo older sister. I run to Great-Grandmother! Be back!" She left without another word.  
  
Ranma and Akane were frozen.  
  
"Sh-shampoo's…older…"  
  
"Sister?"  
  
When Shampoo returned, along with her came her great-grandmother hopping on her stick, Mousse, and Conditioner. Conditioner looked annoyed, as if she had been forced to come. Mousse looked a little out of it, as he always did when Shampoo was around. They settled themselves around the table silently, as if they had been invited.  
  
"So," said Cologne, to break the silence. "You two have already met my older granddaughter, have you? She pointed at Ranma and Akane, who nodded mutely. "Heh-heh, she's the Queen of the Amazons! You should be honored! Don't wear such a long face," she added to Mousse, who was gazing sadly at Shampoo. "Conditioner won't allow him to touch Shampoo," she informed the Tendos.  
  
No one knew what to say. The arrival had been much too sudden. Conditioner made no attempt to talk to any one of them. She simply ate her ramen without a glance to her companions. Shampoo was looking strange, as if she was in the presence of a god.  
  
"So," said Conditioner to Akane. "I hear you've had problems with my sister, over that one." She indicated Ranma with a flick of her head, nothing more.  
  
"Uh, yeah," said Akane. "She and I, um, fight often."  
  
"Really," said Conditioner, gazing at Akane. "And what are you to him? Do you like him?"  
  
Akane made an odd noise in her throat, and then she and Ranma spoke at the same time: "No, no! We're not…not together!"  
  
"Ah," said Conditioner with a small smile. "Then why do you keep fighting Shampoo for him, if you aren't…'together'?"  
  
Ranma blinked at her. Now that he thought about it…why did Akane fight Shampoo so much? He chanced a look at her, to see what she thought. Her face had an angry, set look to it.  
  
"Because she's a nosy busybody and bothers us all the time!" snapped Akane.  
  
The smile had gone from Conditioner's face. She stared at Akane as though she didn't quite believe what she had heard. "So…" she said slowly. "My sister is nosy…a busybody…and bothers everyone? Are you insulting her, you stick-thin, cowardly, pitiful excuse for a martial artist?" There was steel in her voice.  
  
Akane rose, her face reddening. "Don't you dare say that to me!" she snarled, and threw her mug of tea at the cold face of Conditioner.  
  
Like a flash, the Amazon's long ribbon sliced it neatly into two pieces. Then she jerked her hand, and it sped across the table to Akane. A quick flick, and Akane found her bangs shortened by an inch.  
  
"Why do you hang around these thugs?" asked Conditioner to Shampoo. Then she got up and left.  
  
Akane put a hand to her bangs in bewilderment. That girl had wanted to hurt her very badly; she had heard it in her voice and seen it in her eyes. Yet all Conditioner did was trim Akane's hair. What did it mean?  
  
"Whoa," said Ranma, with grudging admiration in his tone. "That's some warrior."  
  
"How can you say that?" growled Akane. "She only gave me a hair trim! That doesn't prove anything."  
  
Soun shook his head. "No, my dear, you are wrong. That girl could have cut off your head with a flick of her wrist had she wanted to. But instead, she chose to show you just how good she was. For any other person, trimming someone's bangs with a ribbon would be an amazing feat. You don't even have a mark on your forehead, do you?" he asked shrewdly. "No, I thought not. She has remarkable control, that girl."  
  
"Conditioner train by finest martial artists!" chimed Shampoo. "She no equal. She near god of ribbon-work! Great-Grandmother train by hand. Conditioner good enough beat Great-Grandmother!"  
  
"Beat…that old hag?" gasped Ranma in amazement.  
  
"Indeed," said Cologne, sipping her tea. "Conditioner is not an easy person to get along with. She is very proud of her skills—almost too proud, if you ask me. But she is very protective of Shampoo. I'd stay out of her way, if I was you!" she cackled to Akane. "Or she'll chop you into a hundred pieces. And don't try to get Shampoo while she's here," she told Mousse again.  
  
Akane left and went to her room, fuming inwardly. That girl, that obnoxious, arrogant girl, oh, I'd love to beat her up… She looked up suddenly and found Ranma hanging upside down outside her window. "What are you doing here?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
Ranma shrugged. "Just to let you know, don't feel to down about Conditioner," he told her cheerfully. "I wouldn't worry about that if I were you." He smiled suddenly.  
  
Akane stared. Is he offering to train me more…? I hope so.  
  
"Since you've always lost to Shampoo before, stands to reason you're too weak to beat her sister!"  
  
KAPOW.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
SPLASH.  
  
"You!" yelled Conditioner, who magically appeared from nowhere. "I've heard about you! You beat my sister, and no one does that." She sliced out at Ranma's head.  
  
"No!" called Shampoo. "You no hurt Ranma!" She raced to the pond and leaped in. "I save!"  
  
"EEEAAARGGGG!!"  
  
Akane sighed and watched the scene. Ranma-girl was running around, screaming, with Shampoo as a cat on her head, yowling at Conditioner, who was screaming Chinese obscenities while trying to slice off Ranma's head with her sword and not kill Shampoo at the same time.  
  
"Just one more bit of chaos to this world," said Soun.  
  
Cologne hopped up next to them on her stick. "Conditioner must learn more control," she said severely. "I am disappointed in her for losing her head like that. It is not benefiting for the Queen of the Amazons."  
  
Akane blinked. "Queen of the Amazons?" she repeated. "B-but I thought…"  
  
"You finally realized that," said Cologne with a sigh. "I've said that at least two times already. Anyhow, she was Queen before I left. But I wonder who's Queen now, since she's gone, and probably won't be back for a while."  
  
Akane turned her attention back to the commotion in the garden and sighed. I hope she leaves soon…she's after both me and Ranma! We'll never get a moment's rest!  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Soooo, how do you like it? Please tell me! E-mail me at dragongirl453@animefan.net! 


	3. More Chaos

1 Chapter 2: More Chaos  
  
The next day dawned bright and cheerful. Strange, Akane thought to herself, yawning while getting dressed. I thought something bad happened yesterday. Must have been a funny dream. She stopped in the doorway and froze.  
  
Conditioner was waiting for her outside the room.  
  
"What do you want?" Akane asked, trying to keep her voice casual. I don't want her to kill me first thing in the morning!  
  
Conditioner fingered the hilt of her sword before replying. "Just to let you know, I won't be leaving anytime soon. I cam to make sure Shampoo wasn't being bothered. And I aim to exterminate the bother before it becomes too big."  
  
"Is that a challenge?" said Akane warily, wondering how long she would survive in an all-out fight with Shampoo's sister.  
  
"Not really," Conditioner answered. "Just a warning." She gave Akane one cold-eyed look before walking down the hall.  
  
Akane went down to eat breakfast. Today was a no-school day. Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne had already left. Ranma sat sleepily at the table, munching on rice. He had bruises all over his body.  
  
"That Conditioner sure packs a punch," he told Akane as she sat down next to him. "I ache all over! It's even worse than when you hit me."  
  
"Thanks," Akane said, helping herself to the food.  
  
"We back," announced Shampoo, walking straight through the wall. Immediately she ran to Ranma and hugged him. Akane turned red, but noticed Conditioner standing off to one side, her hand on her sword hilt and the other flicking her ribbon. Shampoo's using Conditioner as a back up in case she gets into a scrape! Akane realized. She's making sure I'm too afraid of her sister to attack her! The little…  
  
The house was deceptively quiet. Akane trained by herself in the practice room, fuming about the new Amazon. Next thing we need is for another person to show up, she thought in exasperation. In the dining room she could hear yells and sounds of destruction. I need a little peace and quiet—which there is none of when Ranma's involved! Honestly! She walked into the garden, hoping to relax in the shade of a tree.  
  
Someone was already there.  
  
She was a girl a little taller than Akane, wearing a Chinese outfit with white bird silhouettes on the blue front. The sleeves were long and drapey, lavender edged with blue. The pants were calf-length and also lavender with blue trim. Her long black hair was tied in a loose ponytail about halfway down her back. Akane stared.  
  
The girl was nonchalantly twirling a gigantic, double-edged scythe.  
  
"Um," said Akane, not sure how to address this teenage girl with an enormous weapon, "may I ask what you're doing here?"  
  
The girl twirled her weapon for a few more minutes before finally realizing there was someone in front of her. "I'm sorry!" she said instantly. "I'm just waiting for my friend."  
  
Akane felt a feeling of dread in her stomach as she put on a smile and asked politely, "Who's your friend?"  
  
The scythe flew up in the air and landed with one blade down next to the girl's foot. The sounds of destruction became louder as the makers got closer.  
  
"Conditioner."  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Two done! How do you like it so far? Please review!!! 


	4. Sasha

1 Chapter 3: Sasha  
  
"AKANE! HELP ME!" cried a girl's voice.  
  
Ranma flew through the air and landed between Akane and the weird girl. She ducked, and a knife flashed through the air where her head had been. It was now aimed straight at the new girl, who caught it expertly as if she did that kind of thing every day, which, Akane thought, if she knew Conditioner, she probably did.  
  
"Conditioner!"  
  
"Sasha!"  
  
The two girls leaped at each other and embraced in midair. Akane and Ranma gaped at the sight as Ryoga appeared out of nowhere and said, "What's this all about?"  
  
Ranma instantly turned and smacked him. "You pig, hiding in the bushes all this time!"  
  
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!" yelled Akane as she punted Ranma into the air.  
  
Conditioner and her friend finally stopped hugging and giggling. "Why are you picking on these poor normal people?" asked Sasha when they had both calmed down enough to talk. "They haven't done anything wrong to you."  
  
Conditioner glowered at Akane and Ryoga. "That short-haired girl," she snarled, "is in the way of Shampoo marrying her fiancée. And that red- haired girl—" She stopped and looked around to growl at Ranma. Finding no sign of him, she continued, "Who was just here a minute ago, defeated my sister in combat. And no one does that to a relative of mine! Least of all my sister!"  
  
Sasha looked over at Akane and Ryoga, who were nervous but trying not to show it and failing horribly. "I think we should go somewhere else and talk this over, Conditioner," she said. The two of them leaped over the dojo and vanished somewhere.  
  
"Thank goodness she's gone! I thought I'd never be rid of her!" said a familiar voice. Mousse stepped out of the bushes from where he had been hiding to sigh in relief. "I'm so afraid of her…she's so tough! I don't know why my gentle, lovable Shampoo admires her so much!"  
  
"Yeah, who is she, anyway?" asked Ryoga, who had indeed been hiding in the bushes and hadn't heard a word of the conversation.  
  
Mousse looked at Ryoga as solemnly as he could. "She's Shampoo's older sister," he said, "and she's a killer! Don't insult her, her sister, or her friend."  
  
Akane snorted. "I think she's all talk and no substance."  
  
Mousse wagged his finger at her but was whacked by Ryoga for criticizing Akane. "Ouch. Don't think that! I thought that, and boy, was I wrong."  
  
Ryoga and Akane stared at him. "What happened?" asked Akane in a hushed whisper.  
  
Mousse stared at them for a while, and then said, "What happened…I have no idea."  
  
"What do you mean you have no idea?!"  
  
"He be knocked down by Conditioner," said Shampoo gleefully, "and she stuff him in barrel and send him down river! So funny!" She started laughing. The other two looked at her, now getting the joke.  
  
Meanwhile, Ranma was still flying through the air.  
  
"Stupid girl," she said aloud. "I don't see why everyone is in such a hurry to get me married. I'm still a teenager, for crying out loud! I thought I had enough problems with Ryoga and Mousse and Shampoo, but nooooo, was I wrong! To add to all my problems, here comes Shampoo's psychotic older sister, a packaged deal with her best friend, whom I bet is also a deranged China babe…man, have I got trouble."  
  
Conditioner and Sasha were sitting at a table on someone's roof.  
  
"I really don't see why you can't take a break," said Sasha sympathetically. "You're always tired out after chasing people. Why not just relax for a while and enjoy this vacation in Japan?"  
  
Conditioner slammed down her tea with enough force to break the mug. "Dammit, I just want the best for my younger sister! I can never relax because there's always something worrying her."  
  
Sasha twirled her cup around on her finger while she thought. "You know, Shampoo isn't the little baby you carried around on your back all those years ago," she said. "She's grown up now, and can take care of herself. She doesn't have to depend on you all the time." She put her mug down and looked her friend straight in the eye. "I hate to say this, Conditioner, but you're being a nuisance hanging around her all the time."  
  
The other girl spluttered. She opened her mouth to blurt out some curse when Ranma fell on her head and knocked her out.  
  
"Ow," she said, picking herself up and rubbing her skull. Then she noticed Sasha standing next to Conditioner's unconscious body and turned white. "Aaaah! Don't kill me! I can explain everything! It was all an accident! Honestly!"  
  
Sasha cocked her head at Ranma and poured hot water on her from a kettle that magically appeared out of nowhere (you know how things are in Ranma). As he coughed and brushed the water out of his eyes, she said, "I don't blame you for not wanting to marry Shampoo."  
  
"Eh?" This was not the answer he had expected.  
  
"I mean, Conditioner is bad enough trying to kill everyone—from the person who insulted her to the person who yelled too loudly and woke her up early—but living with her as a sister-in-law? The horror!"  
  
Ranma was totally confused now. "But…but I thought you two were friends."  
  
Sasha rolled her eyes. "Just because two people are friends doesn't mean they have to enjoy each other's company 24/7!! I mean, look at you and Akane!"  
  
Ranma turned red, as he always did whenever someone mentioned his fiancée. "We…we're not friends! Our fathers arranged this whole stupid marriage plan, not us!"  
  
"Urrr…" moaned Conditioner. She rolled onto her back and gazed blearily into the sky. "What landed on my head? I'll kill whoever threw that!"  
  
Sasha poured more hot tea as Ranma blanched. "I accidentally hit you with my scythe. Sorry."  
  
"Ah. Okay." Conditioner accepted another cup of tea (to replace the old one she broke) and closed her eyes peacefully. Suddenly she opened them again and stared at Ranma. "You! Shampoo's groom. What are you doing here?!"  
  
"I invited him here. Honestly, Conditioner, do you have to act so paranoid?"  
  
The purple-haired Amazon blushed and looked down. It was true, she was a little paranoid, but did Sasha have to blurt it out in front of her sister's fiancée? "I just want to be sure of who he is," she said stubbornly.  
  
Ranma drank tea and watched the two girls argue. They were almost worse than when he and Akane fought! Almost, that is. He coughed, and when there was a break in the quarreling, he asked, "So, what are you going to do?"  
  
"I'm going to get Shampoo to marry you!" proclaimed Conditioner. She shook her fist at the sky. "And when I've done that, I'm going to kill that red-headed slut!"  
  
Ranma looked angrily up at her. "I'm not a—I mean, she's not a slut!"  
  
Sasha watched irritably as Ranma and Conditioner bickered. Finally she picked up her scythe and hit them both on the head with the flat of the blades.  
  
"You two shut up and listen!" she ordered. Stunned by her unexpected aggressiveness, the two did as she said. "I don't know what's gotten into you, groom, but Conditioner and I are not leaving until we figure out a solution to this problem! No matter how long it takes!"  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Before you manga fanfic purists flame me, I KNOW that "Sasha" is not a Japanese name, but I'm too lazy to go look one up in a Japanese-English online dictionary. If you have another idea, you can tell me at dragongirl453@animefan.net 


	5. Solving Puzzles

1 Chapter 4: Solving Puzzles  
  
"So what is this solution?" asked Nabiki. In her hand she held money that she'd gotten from the bets on who would win a fight, Akane or Conditioner. "But first of all, what's the problem?"  
  
She, Soun, Kasumi, Ranma, Conditioner, Sasha, Shampoo, Akane, and Ryoga were all sitting around the table. Mousse was hiding in the bathroom, since Conditioner kept giving him looks of death.  
  
"Shampoo and Conditioner want Ranma to marry Shampoo, and Conditioner wants to kill that weird red-haired girl we've seen," Sasha told her.  
  
"Who's weird?" shot back Ranma, and got Akane's hand over his mouth so he wouldn't antagonize Conditioner any more than he had already. She looked pretty upset.  
  
Soun sat quietly at the table. Only the thought of Conditioner and her friend kept him from running Ranma around the dojo fifty times. Why did this boy have to bring so much trouble on their heads?! Why couldn't he and Akane just marry and be done with it?  
  
Shampoo and her sister sat next to each other, their backs stiff. "Ranma marry Shampoo," said Shampoo defiantly. "That is Chinese law."  
  
"She's right," said Conditioner, equally stubborn. "Be a man and honor the law, Ranma." Her eyes bored holes into him.  
  
Sasha sighed and rubbed her head. Stubborn Conditioner and Shampoo! It must run in the family, she decided, and got on with business. "There are two more fiancées of Ranma's," she pointed out.  
  
Conditioner gave a scary grin. "Let me deal with them. Then there won't be any other fiancées to stand in Shampoo's way." Shampoo gave her sister an adoring look.  
  
Oh brother. Sasha could see this would be a tough one. Shampoo or Conditioner alone was enough to make a donkey cry. The two of them together, agreeing forcefully on something, was downright dangerous. This town would be flattened if she didn't do something!  
  
"Killing isn't everything," she said patiently. "Lots of things can be solved without bloodshed. Love and peace," she added, grinning. When she only got blank stares, she went on. "Besides, this place isn't home. If you killed someone, the police would probably be on your case, and then there would be all sorts of legal stuff and you might be taken to jail for murder…"  
  
Akane, Ranma, and Ryoga looked at Conditioner. The girl didn't look happy at the mention of all the modern things. She had never thought of being arrested for killing someone. Killing was just something she did. It was her way of life.  
  
"Ranma should still be a man and honor the law," she repeated. "The law says that if a man defeats a woman, she must marry him!"  
  
"Yeah, and that law was written by a bunch of feminists!" snapped Ranma, unable to bear it anymore. "We read it, Conditioner, and everything is in your favor!"  
  
"That way we can keep the Amazonian line strong!" Conditioner snapped back. "We want strong children, not crappy, weak kids. If you don't want to marry Shampoo, then are you really as strong as you act?"  
  
Ryoga and Akane held Ranma firmly back as he fought to get over to Conditioner. Shampoo gazed into her big sister's eyes, glad she was here to help.  
  
"What about that red-haired girl?" asked Conditioner finally after Ranma had calmed down enough to think. "The one who defeated Shampoo. Where is she? Is she too cowardly to fight me?"  
  
Ryoga and Akane grabbed Ranma's shirt to keep him from leaping over the table at Conditioner. He hates it when people insult him that way! Akane thought as she beat Ranma into unconsciousness so he wouldn't make more trouble.  
  
"That's easy enough to fix," Ryoga said as he and Akane pulled Ranma off to the side. "You know how Shampoo turns into a cat in cold water? Well, Ranma turns into a girl. The same red-haired girl you want to kill so badly."  
  
Conditioner stared at him, her face purpling. Ryoga stared back, hoping he hadn't dug the hole they were in any deeper. Suddenly the girl started to laugh.  
  
"Turns into a girl—oh my!" she gasped. "I knew there were some weird springs at Jusenkyo, but I never imagined a girl one! This is classic! Instant gender change!"  
  
Sasha just looked at her, but the others at the table (excluding Ranma) looked nervous. "So…so you believe us?" asked Akane cautiously.  
  
Conditioner snorted with laughter. "Believe you? Of course I believe you! Honestly! My own sister turns into a cat and I wouldn't believe her groom turns into a girl? Very well. I won't fight the red- head, since that would kill Shampoo's groom."  
  
"Might not be such a bad thing," muttered Ryoga, and got smacked by Shampoo.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Think this isn't enough action? Just wait! Next chapter: the battle between Conditioner and Ranma!! 


	6. Battle!

1 Chapter 5: Battle!  
  
"So I can't kill the red-head," said Conditioner, "and I can't kill anyone here…I need to fight. Sitting around doing nothing gets on my nerves."  
  
It was a day after the discussion.  
  
Sasha looked over at her. "You could always challenge the groom," she suggested. Conditioner sat bolt upright.  
  
"Idea! Idea! I will fight the groom. If I win, he must marry Shampoo. If he wins, then we leave. Simple."  
  
Sasha sighed and leaned against the tree. That Conditioner. She was always looking for a new challenge, and if she really wasn't going to kill anyone, then fighting Shampoo's groom would be good for her. "Good idea. I'm going to nap."  
  
"I'll wake you for the wedding!" chirped the other girl, and trotted off.  
  
Mousse was on his knees begging Shampoo. "Please, please let me marry you! Ranma does not appreciate your beauty enough! I love you! I love you!"  
  
"Go away!" snapped Shampoo, kicking him. He tripped and fell into Conditioner, who as coming in the door. Instantly he turned white and scrambled away.  
  
"Relax," she drawled. "I'm not going to kill anyone. I need a fight. Girl-boy, would you be willing to fight me?"  
  
Akane stared at him. "You shouldn't kill him!" she shouted.  
  
Conditioner stared at her as if Akane was a complete idiot. "Baka. I've come to a make a little proposal." She cleared her throat and faced Ranma. "Here: you and I will fight. If you win, Sasha and I leave. If I win, you marry Shampoo."  
  
Ryoga shouted, "Yes! Yes!" Not only would he get to see Ranma actually lose, but Akane would be free for him as well. That is, if she liked him…no! He would be optimistic!  
  
"Shut up, pig!" yelled Ranma. He booted Ryoga across the room and looked at Conditioner. "Very well. I accept your challenge. But you can't use your weapons! I just use my body, so you have to, too."  
  
Rather than looking worried, Conditioner said, "Sure. Make sure you get better in time for the wedding!" She left the room, laughing.  
  
"I won't lose to her! I won't!" said Ranma to himself. He didn't know Akane was watching him boost his morale until she said, "Of course you won't."  
  
He stared at her. Then his face cracked into a smile and he said a little belatedly, "Of course I won't! You just watch me, Akane. I'll whip her."  
  
The sweet moment lasted about two seconds, until Ryoga ruined it. "Hey, Ranma! Are you beating her so you can have Akane?" he teased.  
  
WHAM.  
  
Conditioner and Ranma faced each other. Both were dressed in white training suits, so none would have a clothes advantage over the other (in Conditioner's case, armor). They were barefoot, so weapons couldn't be hidden in their shoes (in Conditioner's case, knives). Akane, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse, and Soun sat on the sidelines. Nabiki stood, carrying a video camera, so she could prove who lost their bets.  
  
"Okay!" yelled Soun. In his hand was a microphone. "This battle, between Ranma and Conditioner, now begins! Fight!"  
  
Ranma attacked first, as usual. He aimed a quick punch at Conditioner's stomach, but his hand encountered air. He looked up and saw the purple hair go whizzing past his face to land a few inches away from his outstretched fist. He threw another punch with his other hand, but she ducked and gave him one in the stomach. Ranma doubled over.  
  
That girl can fight! he thought, half-admiring, half-annoyed. This may be my first real battle since Ryoga learned that move…  
  
But he couldn't ponder Conditioner's battle skills for long. A blur to his right alerted him, and he flipped forward in the air to land behind Conditioner. His foot jerked out fast, like a snake, and hit the girl in the back. She fell to her knees. Ranma aimed another punch at her.  
  
CRASH.  
  
His hand smashed the wooden dojo floor and shattered a section. Conditioner stood off to the side of the hole, looking surprised.  
  
"Not bad, kid, not bad," she said. "No one's given me so much trouble in years."  
  
"Go Conditioner!" shouted Shampoo from the sidelines.  
  
Conditioner attacked then, firing a hailstorm of punches at her enemy. Ranma gasped and twitched to the left, but her fists caught his side. He flipped away and came up shouting, "That's the chestnuts-roasting- on-an-open-fire move! How do you know it?"  
  
Conditioner gave him a withering look. "Great-Grandmother taught it to me," she told him, her voice heavily laden with disgust. "As she taught it to you. That's why we both know it. Duh."  
  
"Hm," said Ranma. He changed tactics. As Conditioner came at him again, fists flying once more, looking for an opening, he backed away.  
  
"Running away already, are we?" taunted the girl. She followed him, trying to land a blow.  
  
Akane yelled from the sidelines, "Ranma doesn't run away, Conditioner!" Nabiki made a mental note to change Akane's tone with special effects. That way she could sell videotapes and get more money.  
  
Soun held his breath. His son-in-law was going to try for his greatest move, the Dragon's Heaven Blast. But wouldn't Conditioner know of it already, since Cologne had known it? Maybe the girl was too headstrong. She was pounding around after Ranma, who was evading her with practiced ease, despite the fact that this was their first fight together. That was it. She was too confident in her abilities. Well, pride comes before a fall. Soun settled back to watch Ranma pound Conditioner.  
  
Ryoga knew what Ranma was going to try next, but he thought it was a silly move. Surely Conditioner would know it! Maybe even know a move to counter it. He should watch her carefully. Maybe he could learn a few tactics on how to beat Ranma from her, although he was feeling vaguely uncomfortable seeing Ranma take a beating.  
  
Ranma breathed calmly, trying not to let Conditioner's insults interrupt his composure, but it was hard. Where did she learn such phrases?! Girls in Nerima never swore like that, or insulted people that rudely. (True, the girls in Nerima that he knew about were all madly in love with him, but that was beside the point.) He dodged one blow but had to twist his body to avoid the next. Conditioner was getting angrier and angrier with every passing moment. Thank goodness the center of the spiral was near. Ranma didn't think he could take much more insults.  
  
Conditioner was getting slightly out of breath. She'd never met a more irritating opponent! He avoided her blows as if he was moving in slow motion. More importantly, he wasn't responding at all to her insults, which had made opponents reckless in the past. She smirked. Maybe this one would be worthy enough to have fought her.  
  
Center of the spiral! Ranma ducked as a particularly vicious blow whizzed past his ear. He took a breath, hurled his fist into the air, and yelled, "Hyru Shoten Ha--!!"  
  
—at the same time Conditioner fell on her back, hands pointed in the air, and cried, "Lotus Flower!!"  
  
—and Ryoga, who couldn't take it anymore, aimed his hands at her and shouted, "Shishihokodan!!"  
  
"It's a magnificent triple ki attack!" howled Soun the Announcer. Akane put her fingers in her ears and stared at the glowing, flashing lights. "Conditioner's attack has blow Ranma into the air! Ranma's attack swept the roof off the dojo! He's going to replace it, by the way. And Ryoga's attack has knocked Conditioner into the wall!"  
  
Shampoo bit her nails and cried, "Ranma! Sister! Who win?"  
  
Ryoga pulled himself out of the ground to stare at the three-colored ki light. He then went back over to Akane and Mousse, who were staring at him disapprovingly. "Well, did you really want Ranma to marry Shampoo?" he asked them both.  
  
"No," they replied in unison.  
  
THUNK. Ranma landed back in the dojo.  
  
Soun was still going. He yelled, "The winner is the first one who stands up and says, 'I did so win,' with a smile on his—or her, face."  
  
Nabiki turned to look at him. "Isn't that from Dragonball?" she asked. "I thought we agreed, no cross-overs."  
  
"It isn't exactly a cross-over," her father replied. "I'm just borrowing a phrase from it."  
  
Ranma groaned from where he lay on his stomach. That attack had hurt! What was it, anyway? But he heard what Soun had said, so he tried his hardest to stand up before that macho, psychotic woman did.  
  
Akane looked at Conditioner. She wasn't moving. Her legs were kicking, but the rest of her was lying completely still. Akane wondered if Ryoga's attack had broken a bone or two, and then wondered if she cared.  
  
"He's kneeling! He's kneeling! Is he going to make it?" shouted Soun to an imaginary audience. Mousse ran over and grabbed the mike from him. Soun continued in a more normal tone of voice.  
  
"Conditioner isn't moving! Is she dead?"  
  
Shampoo bit her nails some more. "Sister!" she cried. She started to run over, but Ryoga and Akane held her back.  
  
"No cheating!" they ordered.  
  
At last Ranma pulled himself up. He braced against the wall, then let go and said, "I did so win!" with a smile.  
  
Akane, Ryoga, and Mousse ran over to him. Soun bellowed his happiness into an imaginary mike to an imaginary audience. Nabiki zoomed in on Ranma's face. Shampoo leaped over fallen debris to her sister's side, and was roughly pushed away.  
  
"That…wasn't…fair!" snarled Conditioner. Her face was bruised and her arms were scratched. "Damn you, Sasha, I would have won!"  
  
Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, Akane, Shampoo, Nabiki, and Soun all stared at Sasha. She was crouched just outside the hole Conditioner had made and smiling. "I held her down so you could win, Ranma," she said.  
  
Shampoo yelled, "Cheat. You cheat, Sasha!"  
  
Soun cleared his throat. "Well, technically, she didn't cheat. It was indirect cheating."  
  
Conditioner looked ready to kill something.  
  
Soun coughed. "Well, what's done is done, and we can't change that."  
  
"Come on, Conditioner," said Sasha. "If Shampoo really needs your help, she'll ask. But for now, I think she can try on her own to win Ranma over." She leveled a fierce glare at Shampoo. "But I think you can manage."  
  
Shampoo gulped.  
  
"As for now," Sasha continued, "we'll return the clothes. See ya." And then she leaped over the broken dojo. Conditioner vanished for a second, and when she returned, she was wearing her armor with her weapons.  
  
"Ranma," she said, "it pains me to say this, but you were almost as good as me. I have never said that to anyone else before. It was—" She coughed. "—an honor to fight you. And I mean it. I hope we have more chances in the future." With that, she vanished after Sasha.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
"Almost?!" snarled Ranma. "I'd say I was as good as her, or better! She just didn't want to admit it!"  
  
"Oh, really?" asked Ryoga. "You would have lost terribly if I hadn't used my Shishihokodan on her!"  
  
"I didn't need any help from you, Pig Boy!"  
  
"Oh, sure? I'd like to see you fight her by yourself."  
  
"I could! I could whip her, and you know it."  
  
Akane sighed as the two boys started fighting again. Once more, it was just a normal day in Nerima.  
  
Well, as normal as you could get, for Ranma.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Please please please tell me what you thought of this story!! My e-mail is dragongirl453@animefan.net. Please tell me of other ideas if you have any!! I am truly open. 


End file.
